The Problematic Past

I wish I could remember all the tests which I had, but seeing as how my Nutrition book deems me the poster child for Chapter 2- Are We What We Eat?, I must explain.

I have been diagnosed with "food allergies", although my doctor said that "food intolerances" is a better word at times. Although the ND (naturopathic doctor) says that it is an "auto-immune disease". So, needless to say, I have issues with food.
After a blood panel test, detox, and reintroduction-
These American favorites have decided to make my life a living hell:

WHEAT- GLUTEN, BARLEY, WHEY, Beer.... I prefer to ignore Oats, as I'm addicted to Oatmeal.
CORN- high fructose corn syrup, maltodextrin, corn starch, corn on the cob. Gummi bears....
BEEF- I now live in Texas... Whattaburger, Burger House, Goff's. A casual date, football and BBQ's? Not going to happen.
DAIRY- I've known this for awhile. Although I tried to ignore it, I would always get sick after the summer day milkshake in Eastern Washington. My whole family is allergic- Grandpa has chronic allergies, Mom is in slight denial over it, and Step-Dad decides its just "too good to pass up".
That eliminates the rest of the world, really.

P.S.
Gluten free beer- Horrible, malty, and dark.
Almond milk- Amazing.
Rice noodles- so yummy.

As Western Medicine MD's and ND's see the world differently, I've been poked, prodded, fasted, and examined all too many times and ways this year.

I've done Acid Reflux tests (here, swallow Sodium Carbonate poprocks! You know the formula, and you know it tastes like crap, so when you feel like you're going to throw up- don't. Otherwise, we'll have to start over. And yes, you are in a backless gown with male nurses. It'll only take 90 minutes!)
I've had GI exploratory surgery- (This huge tube will go into your throat, stomach, down to your large intestine. You'll be partially out-of-it, but when you wake up, see a snake coiling down your throat, with the innards of your stomach on a wide-screen, DO NOT FREAK. The IV in your hand won't leave a mark although it took the old male nurse 30 minutes to put it in, blood and tears, totally normal.)
I've had digestion tests- (Here, eat this radioactive eggsalad sandwich. Oh? You're allergic to wheat? Oh, okay, since I only went to school for 9 months and don't really understand what I'm doing, just eat the eggsalad. That way- I can get back to texting my boyfriend while you stand in front of a huge camera for 2 hours! The trashy rap music you hear in the room next door, no no, its not mine. This is NOT a professional hospital.)